His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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