No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So apparently I’m into choking now
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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