do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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