I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
