i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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