i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
