I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
