I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
