I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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