I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
