I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
