i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
