dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
