Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
