I heard we made out
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
