i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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