you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
