THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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