Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Randomize
