Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
