Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
