allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
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Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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