it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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