We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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