So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
