I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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