I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
