I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found puke in my bra..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
