You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
