Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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