dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
