the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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