I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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