you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
