He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
