Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
