I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Alive.
So much puke
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
