a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
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Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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