Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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