why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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