My underwear smells like fireworks.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
