got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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