Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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