I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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