he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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