i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
