I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
