fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize