i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
