I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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