he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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