what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
