everyone is single if you try hard enough
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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