literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
