i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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