I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
