Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
