Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
