I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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