well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
