question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
