She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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