You really coming over, don't trick.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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