Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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