Umm I'm too high to move.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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