I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
