if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
