I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
