maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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