a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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