overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
