I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
