I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
