I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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